I recently had a life changing event. I went to an Ayahuasca Healing Ceremony, I must say this wasn’t the first time, but it was definitely the first time I experienced this… nothingness.
For those of you who don’t know, when a person consumes this plant, this divine…mother of all plants. One will start seeing and feeling indescribable things. Visions, emotions and many more feelings will manifest depending on what you need to heal emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Every experience is different and no one can actually tell you what will happen during and under the effect of this beautiful healing medicine. But I must admit this, that night something happened in me, while I was under the influence, that made me feel scared, lost and almost regret going to the ceremony.
This is what happened…
I drank it. I waited to feel the impact, so far so good. Then I started seeing visions of multiple colors and patterns, it was beautiful. I felt my face smiling, at that moment I didn’t really know what was happening or what I was feeling but I was happy, and wanted to keep this high forever. Then I envisioned myself not physically, but I could see my soul walking through all of these colors, stars and galaxies. As I moved along this path I saw that it was coming to an end, I was reaching the end of the stars and wasn’t able to see what was next, since everything was completely dark and empty. Feeling adventurous I decided to keep going since I was feeling safe, secure in the arms of Mother Earth and hearing the shamanic chants and songs only reassured me that it was okay to go and explore the universe I was in.
I kept going, I remembered feeling scared and cold, I kept turning around to see if the previous path was still there, it was so, I kept walking. Suddenly I felt my legs painfully burning but I kept moving forward until I got to the point where I couldn’t see anything or hear anything. I was lost in nothingness. I remember trying to move rapidly but there was no point, I couldn’t see a thing. I felt scared; nothing had me prepared for this. I was in the nothingness, a black hole and I was scared I had gotten myself lost in the mere absence of existence and I wouldn’t be able to come back. I’m not sure how long I was in there for but it felt like an eternity. I was crying, terrified, cold and for the first time ever I felt completely alone. I didn’t know what to do, what could I do? No one was aware of what was happening and even if they knew what could they possibly do to bring me back? I thought to myself.
We always picture Hell as a burning place with demons of all kinds… Well this was definitely a type of Hell I wish no one ever has to encounter. After some endless eternities had passed I made a decision. A true empowering realization; I was light, and God was with me and I was stronger than any darkness because my soul was divine. As I write this I realize that I wasn’t those entire things just back then and there, I AM those things. We all are, we just need to remember it and embody it.
So I envisioned myself as light and love and I pushed through the darkness… and I conquered it. I defeated my own darkness, I was back again in the ceremony with my loving self, and I realized; that was the journey, the place I needed to go, that was my healing task. I need to come into acceptance of this, fall completely into self-faith, so I could lose all fear. Fear of failing, of being alone, of being in the darkness of not knowing what to do, or what my next step should be. I needed to reassure my faith, faith in myself, faith in trusting that I am a pure being, full of light, love and gratefulness. Ready and hungry for life, trusting that nothing can ever and will ever be a mistake, there are no mistakes. Everything is always as it should be and I’m exactly where I need to be, everything is perfect.
We are blessed beings, living in light and love. We just need a little reminder every now and then.